Saturday, October 23, 2010

21 day meditation challenge, day 13

oops, my bad. i pretty often forget that i have this blog. it's mama brain.

i've done pretty good at keeping up the daily meditation but i have missed a few days, and tomorrow morning i will have to do 3 to catch up. the only way to guarantee me doing this each morning, would be to wake up at a hideous hour to ensure (and with a 2 year old and a 10 month old, there is no true ensuring) that i'd have quiet time to myself.

i currently get up around 6am but i also wake my son up and start getting him ready for school. then i meditate while he eats and packs his bag and then we go outside to wait for his carpool.

i did do day 3 of week 1 of the couch to 5k, but i haven't done my run/walk since monday. B3 (b3 was my nickname for my youngest, when i was pg with him. so on this blog i will call the youngest b3, b2 for my 2 year old and b1 for my oldest), was sick this week and just as his temp started to remain normal without any fever reduction meds, my back went out. agh!

everytime something like this happens, an illness, a setback, etc, i make this promise to myself that when it is better i will not take advantage of my health and ability. i am usually pretty good at living up t the promise but then it fades.

my intention is to live up to that promise fully and find a way to maintain true balance in my life. some days i feel like i am just soaring and other days, it feels like i am bobbing to keep my head above water.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

21 day meditation challenge, days 3 & 4

yesterday and today were a bit tougher, due to the fact that the babies were awake while i did my meditation. hubby was taking care of them but i had to work harder to stay focused. i am really enjoying starting my days with these guided meditations. davidji's voice is very calm and comforting and to be honest, he says what i need to hear.

i need to be reminded of that which i KNOW but disregard my own voice telling me so. he says do not judge the meditation, do not judge anything. he reminds me that it is all ok, it is all perfect. it is ok that my mind wanders, it's ok that i lose focus. that is where i have failed in the past, in many areas. i don't allow myself experiences unless i think that i can commit to some ideal way of having them, that i have created in my mind.

yesterday, i also did day 2 of the c25k. i didn't know until later that it is a 3 day a week program, not a daily one. so i am not running today and will go tomorrow or saturday. my legs were killing me and i'd had a morning that did not go according to my ideal of how it should have. but i decided to get up and go anyway and i'm so glad i did. it was a gorgeous fall morning, the air was crisp, the babies were bundled and content.

who could not enjoy this?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

21 day meditation challenge, day 2

today was a breath awareness meditation. this is the way that i have meditated during the random, infrequent times that i have actually sat to meditate. i had a harder time this morning, my mind wandered, the sounds around my house distracted me. but davidji makes it so effortless. he speaks so true. there is no judgement, it is ok if your mind wanders, and it will. i just kept bringing myself back to my breath. once again it was a wonderfully peaceful way to start my day.

truth me told, i am not good at balance. i think all people need a balance and as a stay at home mother, i don't have this. i'm so used to doing child/family related things, i almost don't know what to do on my own. i even feel anxious when i am alone. when i think of going out for coffee alone, or to the store, i think about how easy it would be to bring one or more of the kids. i think about how much they would enjoy it. but i know i would be a better me if i took some time for myself. this challenge is one way that i am going to begin to do so.

another thing i did today, was start the c25k iphone app. i bought it forever ago. but yesterday i suggested to a girlfriend, that we do it after dropping off our toddlers at preschool. we both had our babies with us and it was a gorgeous morning. we did the alternating of run/walk around the lake park near my house. i'm not promising to do it daily but we are definitely going to do it together on preschool days where the weather is mild enough for us to have the babies out in their strollers.

Monday, October 11, 2010

21 day meditation challenge, day 1

this morning i participated in day 1 of the chopra center's 21 day meditation challenge. it is not the first time i've signed up. in fact i signed up for the challenge prior to this one, and disregarded it in it's entirety.

but meditation is one of those wicked lovely intentions that i have, yet fail to follow thru on.

this morning, however, after my oldest left for school, i thought, NOW is the time. and i decided there are no rules. if my 2 1/2 year old wakes up, i'll do the best i can. if the baby wakes up and my husband snores thru it, i can pause it and resume. i have to set myself up for success, not failure.

so since i was so tired and wanted to be comfortable, i laid on a giant pillow in front of the fireplace. ok, it's a dog bed but the kids love it so the dog has one and so do they :) as i was laying there, listening to davidji's voice telling me to take a deep breath, i heard a large exhale next to me. it was my daughter, she was up and following along.

i got her to lay in my arms and told her we were meditating. she chatted a little but was very calm and patient and curious. the meditation in it's entirety was 12 minutes, they will get longer with each day's meditation.

it was a beautiful experience to share with my daughter, a lovely way to start my day and week.

honestly, i find myself constantly flustered, angry, annoyed and then i am snapping and grumpy and not being who i am at my core. i so much want to utilize this tool to stay present, to maintain focused on my intentions and successful in realizing them.

i am going to post my 21 day experience here, so if i miss days or give up, it will be here for all to see and share a 'tsk tsk'.

interested in joining the challenge? go here!